


The One Time They Accidentally Watched That Channel

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Television Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: The Doctor and Rose settle in for movie night.  Neither of them planned onthatkind of movie though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Doctor/Rose Fixathon on LJ - prompt - The Doctor and Rose accidentally watch a porn movie. Rated Teen for suggestive topic and one slightly naughty name.
> 
> * * *

Rose curled up in the big comfy leather couch in the Tardis entertainment room where there was a huge fifty-inch television that was able to receive signals from almost any planet in all of space and throughout all time. She set a big bowl of buttery popcorn next to her. The TARDIS was running through a vortex alignment cycle and couldn’t land, so Rose had insisted the Doctor spend some time relaxing and watching telly with her. Jack was swimming laps in the pool and doing who only knows what. Rose had learned a long time ago to never ask unless she wanted a detailed and entenderish description of things she could barely believe existed.  
  
The Doctor lumbered in and plunked down on the couch next to her. He pouted about how they were stuck in the vortex and the TARDIS was refusing to allow him to perform any maintenance.  
  
Rose reached for the remote and began flipping through channels as the Doctor leaned back and put his feet up on the table in front of them, crossed his arms and glared.  
  
“Doctor, it’s not that bad. Honestly, you look like a Slitheen came in and stole all your bananas.”  
  
“No, I don’t,” he said, pouting.  
  
Rose rolled her eyes and changed the channel, settling on a movie named DunHer. Rose thought it was a weird name but then it was alien so she shrugged it off. She clicked the info button. “Oh, this sounds good! A lonely and lost traveler happens across a primitive enclave of welcoming gypsies leading to adventure as he delves deeply into their cultural practices. What ya think?” Rose asked, smiling brightly at him.  
  
He shrugged. Rose sighed and hit play, and the movie started. The traveler’s name was Captain Dirk Phuksalot who spoke with a pronounced accent that Rose had a hard time understanding. She wondered why that was what with the TARDIS translating. Captain Dirk traveled the universe in an oddly shaped ship that was sort of shaped like a cigar.  
  
The Doctor seemed oblivious sitting next to her playing with his sonic. Rose tried to watch the movie but the Doctor was distracting her. Just as Dirk landed on some planet called Titillia, Rose decided enough was enough and took his sonic away.  
  
“Oi! Whadda you do that for!’ the Doctor asked, outraged.  
  
“We’re supposed to be watching the film and relaxing. You get the sonic back when the film’s done,” she announced and tucked the sonic in her brassier where she knew it would be safe. It wasn’t like the Doctor ever paid attention to that part of her anatomy she mused petulantly.  
  
He leaned back and pouted some more. Rose rolled her eyes and slid over to curl up into his side and shoved the bowl of popcorn at him. He relaxed and grabbed the remote from her to turn up the volume.  
  
They watched the brown haired Captain Dirk wearing nothing more than tight black trousers, boots and a long brown coat march into a gypsy encampment. Several scantily clad alien females of varying skin colors sashayed out to meet him. “A bit under dressed, aren’t they?” Rose asked as she grabbed a hand full of popcorn.  
  
“Different culture or could be just a fashion statement. Remember the seventies on Earth? Bell bottoms, caftans, unwashed hair and free love all influenced by the Woodstockens,” he lectured and grabbed some popcorn.  
  
“You’re having me on!” Rose declared and then something on the television caught her attention. The dashing Captain Dirk was in a smoke filled tent as several of the gypsies began stripping the silky and translucent strips of clothing off and began running their hands over his bare chest and stripping off his jacket and trousers. Rose’s mouth hung open and she involuntarily leaned in closer to the screen.  
  
Her expression caught the Doctor’s attention and he looked up at the screen prepared to be bored but instead he cursed internally as he observed the naked gypsies “dancing” with the adventuring captain. Realizing this movie was more than just some casual adventure story, he jumped up dumping popcorn everywhere. “Rose!” he shouted, trying to get her attention and stop her from seeing what was about to happen.  
  
She tilted her head to the side, and her hands gripped the edge of the cushions. “Are those….tentacles?” she asked as she watched the now naked Captain Dirk kneel down amongst the equally naked and colorful alien gypsies who seemed to be quite orally fixated on him.  
  
“Oh, that’s just…” she started to say and tilted her head as if trying to sort out the sexual practices she was observing, a look of intense concentration on her face.  
  
The Doctor turned back to the television and stared in horror as he realized what his sweet Rose was looking at.  
  
“I mean, how does that work?” she asked. “That’s a lot of tentacles hanging off of his really impressive….”  
  
“Rose!” he shouted again as he stood between Rose and the television, his eyes searching madly for the remote as he realized she had his sonic and he couldn’t turn off the bloody telly without either the remote or sonic.  
  
Rose’s eyes were then inextricably drawn to the Doctor and not his face. Her forehead crinkled in concentration and a smile started to quirk her face. The Doctor looked down at where she was staring. Part of him was horrified at the thoughts that must be spinning through her head and part of him was a bit chuffed she was recognizing him as something other than a sexless alien.  
  
In fact, parts of him were quite happy about this fact and especially with the way she was biting her lip and smiling. Finally, the reality of the situation kicked in and not wanting to hear her next question about tentacles as she stared at that particular area of his anatomy, he dove for the remote which had fallen into the sofa cushions.  
  
Rose watched him practically rip the sofa apart on his quest for the remote. She smirked as she felt him reach behind her. She paused to admire a very fine Time Lord arse before her attention was drawn back to the telly. The very well-endowed Captain Dirk appeared to be using all his appendages quite vigorously and one could not miss the sound of writhing, moaning and groaning aliens in the midst of an orgy. Rose started to giggle.  
  
“Doctor, you should see this. I mean I never thought you could do all that with tentacles. I mean, seriously, he’s got to be multi tasking the way he’s got all of them…” Rose observed.  
  
The Doctor was on the couch cursing in several alien languages before triumphantly extracting the remote and shouting “Fantastic!” and flipped the channel to something which he thought was more Rose appropriate, Risky Business. Unfortunately, it landed on an alien version of the film and to a particular sex scene between Tom Cruise and Rebecca DeMornay look alikes. Except, the actors were a bit squid like. The Doctor scowled.  
  
Rose laughed and bumped shoulders with him, gently removing the remote from his hand. “It’s okay, Doctor. I’m sure tentacles aren’t all that. Well, unless you have something you want to share,” she teased, giving him a grin that showed just a bit of tempting tongue.  
  
He looked over at her with a naughty twinkle in his eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”  
  
Rose ran her fingers up and down his leather jacketed arm. “Maybe I would. Course, if you’re intimidated by Tom Cruise over there…”  
  
“Oi! Time Lord, me! No comparison with some talentless squidaloo with unimpressive tentacles.”  
  
Before Rose could respond, Jack walked in with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Hey, that’s Risky Business! You didn’t tell me you two were watching the Salacia Erotica net!” he exclaimed and plunked down on the other side of Rose. He picked up the partially full popcorn bowl and starting munching. “You know, this satellite plays the sexcapades of Captain Dirk! He’s got a set of tentacles on him that could…”  
  
“Jack!’ the Doctor interrupted, glaring at him.  
  
“What?” Jack asked innocently. “You two were watching the porn satellite, I just walked in,” Jack reminded them with a wicked twinkle in his eyes.  
  
The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand and pulled her up. “We’ve got better things to do than indulge Captain Porn over here.”  
  
Rose waved bye at Jack and leaned over to the Doctor. “So about those tentacles…”  
  
The Doctor smirked and pulled her down the corridor.

* * *


End file.
